It’s only 9 am and my brain, and body, are zapped. Oh dear, did I just say ‘AM’? I meant ‘PM’. That’s how fried my system is after my third day of kid-minding, house-fending on my own without my parents.
Seriously, I’m really curious how there are mothers who are able to raise 2 kids or more on their own without even a part-time helper and have time to even look decent and this is the ace card – maintain a blog! I, for one, am right now struggling to find the right words to convey my sense of , um…, no…my state of exhaustion. My hair’s a flyaway mess and so is the state of my attire.
But despite the apparent fatigued state I’m in, I am earnestly toying with the idea of raising BOTH my kids alone in a foreign land come October this year.
Just this afternoon, I was telling my friends I am determined to try making it on my own. And that I’m psyching myself up to juggle the child-rearing, cooking and cleaning without any help. And I’m ditching the hope of ever finding a reliable, decent part-time helper. I said, ” If other women can do it, I bet my lazy bum I can get it moving and do it too!”
Right. And now, I ask myself, ” So who are these women?” Honestly, I don’t quite know any. If you do, please please direct me to them. I really need living proof and solid-rock, idiot-proof tips to get me there.
Truth be told, I think the odds are stacked rather high against me at this stage:
- Toddler son still not sleeping on his own yet.Nurses to nap and requires my napping company. Wakes for diaper change at night.
- I’m rather hopeless at housekeeping.
- Clueless with cooking – daily struggling with ‘What-to-cook?’
- Bent on breastfeeding the second baby with latching-on-demand during the day, feeding expressed breast milk at night
Where will I get the time to rest? My husband will still be working his 12-hour shifts and having only his miserly one off-day each week. He will drag himself out of bed at night to soothe the baby even if it means he loses sleep, that much I know. But then in the long days, I will have to find ways to manage.
Am I insane to think I can hold my sanity and a happy home together with TWO children without help?
Yes, I definitely am. But being a stubborn girl, I think I still want to hold on to this delusional hope that I can SOMEHOW do it. Like I told my girlfriend, it’s just like how so many people told me I was crazy to set the goal of having a natural birth with no epidural or episiotomy or any other drug. But I set it anyway, and pushed mysef toward it. Sure, I didn’t get to do it ALL natural but I still had a natural birth without epidural.
So perhaps, if I aim for the moon on this, even if I don’t get as close to looking the PERFECT SPYSAHM (Super Power Yummy Stay-At-Home- Mummy), I may not end up at the bottom of the scrap bin. Or so I hope.