This is possibly one of the hardest blog post I’ve every written, and it has been in my mental draft box for some months now. Because it is so hard to write, do excuse me if it seems somewhat incoherent.
As 2014 draws to a close, I feel the need to make certain decisions regarding the direction of my life. For far too many months, I’ve felt myself wasting away precious time and opportunities to invest my energies wisely.
Moving forward into 2015, I feel I need to get a grip on my life, my heart and my hands before more time is wasted and opportunities to reach the hearts of my children frittered away. As such, I am making a painful but necessary decision to take a sabbatical from blogging and frontline event organization.
I have thoroughly enjoyed organizing Singapore’s first cardboard festival for the family as well as Organic Play Parties. These community initiatives as well as being part of the Singapore Mom Bloggers have given me new experiences and friends. These experiences and encounters have greatly enriched my life, and I will treasure these for a long time.
However, I need to be truthful with myself about my limitations. I have come to understand that I just do not have the capacity to multitask and juggle the various roles. I also need to be fair to my children. There is also a time and season for everything. Right now, it is my season to focus on my family. Being a work addict, I have a tendency to choose work over family, and I have regrettably done so too often in recent times.
It is hard for me to let go of things and causes I hold dear.
But it would be foolish for me not to choose the dearest people over my personal passions.
The story of ‘Moses’ came to me twice within the last 18 months. I was reminded of it recently as I deliberated over my commitments and reflected on my lifestyle. I find myself drawn to the portion of Moses’ life where he spent 40 years in the desert after he fled Egypt for murdering an Egyptian slavemaster. He entered the desert a disgraced nobleman and murderer, and while there, Moses encountered the Living God and was appointed by God to be the deliverer of His people from slavery. I feel I need to enter a desert season. Perhaps I’m already in the desert and am only just realizing it.
The desert can be harsh and lonely. But it can also be a place of refuge and restoration as Moses found it to be as a fugitive.
I find the desert intimidating but intriguing.
What happened in the desert that changed Moses from a fiery, zealous nobleman into the meekest man on earth?
Why did Jesus spend 40 days in the desert before He began His public ministry?
What will I find in the desert?
And why do I need to enter it now?
I believe the desert proffers me two gifts – the Gift of Solitude, and the Gift of Silence. In embracing these two gifts, I believe I can look forward to leading a more intentional and fruitful life.
As my dearest husband just said to me, water is so scarce in the desert that every single drop becomes precious. The desert is also the only place where you can find an oasis.
Water is life.
So I believe I will learn how to cherish every single drop of water. I will learn to embrace every second and moment of life with contentment as I dwell in the desert for a while.
To the human mind, the desert is hot and arid with dull expanses of nothingness.
But to my soul that is sick of living in futility, I am eager to discover the hidden streams in the desert.
While the desert may see like a lonely place, I know I will not be alone for my Lord Jesus is with me.
So my dearest friend, thank you for your support all these past months. You can still reach me via email or through my blog Facebook page. However, I will not be actively updating this page until further notice. May you and your family have an intentionally fruitful 2015 ahead! May Truth, Virtue and Beauty grace your everyday! Until we meet again somewhere, may the following song touch your heart.
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount I’m fixed upon it
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Here I raise my Ebenezer,
Here by Thy great help I’ve come.
And i hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood (precious blood).
Oh that day when freed from sinning
I shall see Thy lovely face.
Clothe it then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing thy sovereign grace.
Come my Lord no longer tarry
Take my ransom soul away.
Send Thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless days.
Oh to grace how great a debtor
Daily i’m constraint to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander Lord i feel it
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart
Oh take and seal it.
Seal it for thy courts above.
Here’s my heart
Oh take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above.